FEAR PRESSURE and PEER PRESSURE–the roots of ALL horsemanship problems.

No Peer Pressure, No fear Pressure

On the left is my friend Russell Higgins from New Zealand.  I don’t know the exact circumstances regarding this photo, but to me, it looks like horses and humans are relaxed and the relationships between all of them appear calm.

I taught a clinic last summer and one of the things I asked participants to do was to line up stirrup to stirrup in a horseshoe so that I could address them.  I’m always amazed at the fear this can generate.  Why is that?  I’ll come back to this in a moment.

Another common example I see frequently is that, if I’m with a group of clients and we are trying out a new skill (say, simple lead changes), the biggest stumbling block is often the fear of looking stupid or silly, and so I credit the first person to give it a go a lot of credit.

What both of these situations have in common is that they include the universal issues of fear pressure and peer pressure.  When I first started riding my Thoroughbred mare Skigh, I was worried enough that it dawned on me that I couldn’t “hear” anything she was trying to tell me.  I was putting up my own force field of fear which blocked all incoming messages.  The rides would go okay, and from the outside, they probably looked good enough,  but Skigh knew the truth.  She wasn’t getting her message through to me.  We ask our horses to be mentally, emotionally, and physically fit, and we need to ask ourselves to strive for the same things.  What helps me is to consciously relax my butt cheeks and to sing.  Of course, this brings up the other issue–peer pressure.  Won’t people think I’m stupid if I’m up there singing to myself and my horse??  In the end, I’ve decided that I care more about what Skigh thinks than I care about how other people view me.   It took time for Skigh and me to get to know one another, and those techniques helped me get there safely.  She is still very challenging, and I still get scared, but I am confident and competent on her and I can control her.  I made it a priority to put an excellent set of brakes on her and those have been tested!  It came with time, small steps, and SELF-HONESTY.

If you impress your horse, you’ve won something better than any ribbon or recognition.  That’s my view.  If the goal is getting a blue ribbon, or winning money, that’s fine, too.  But those things are meaningless without the relationship being right.

Back to the clinic episode:

  • The fear part:  What if my horse interacts with other horses and I can’t handle it?  What if my horse bites, bucks, or kicks?
  • The peer part:  What if I look stupid or incompetent in front of all these people?

These two issues are often intertwined.  Many people would say, “I didn’t come to this clinic to learn this, I cam here to learn (fill in the blank)”.

My answer would be that (fill in the blank) is all part of horsemanship.  If you can’t safely handle your horse in a variety of situations, let’s fix that before we try to move on to something else.  In this particular situation, my answer would be that horses are gregarious and it’s natural for them to interact.  And, the most important aspect of horsemanship is respect; it’s mutual, but the human must ultimately be the one calling the shots, and the horse needs to know this at all times.  Even in an unfamiliar situation, the horse must respect the leadership that the human needs to be providing.  Finally, one of the biggest keys in all of horsemanship is preparation.  Ray Hunt used to say “confidence is being prepared for the unthinkable”.  So, if there’s a problem anywhere along the line on a daily basis, from trouble catching, or haltering, or leading, or tying your horse, you’ve gotta address those before doing the next thing.

That’s how I see horsemanship.

Here’s how things worked out at the clinic I mentioned:

horses together at clinic.jpg

 

Affinity

heart horse clip.jpg

LOVE IS WHERE YOU FIND IT . . . IF YOU ALLOW IT TO BE PRESENT.

 

Today is a day to celebrate our sweet connections–not necessarily just the romantic ones.  There are all sorts of studies out there considering whether horses feel “love”.  I know for sure that there is an affinity between me and my horse.  Is it love?  Who cares?

So much of how we experience our lives involves projecting our feelings on others around us, whether those individuals are human or animal.  As a happy person vents their joy and love onto their horse, so does an angry person, or sad person, vent those feelings in the same way.  It takes emotional fitness to come and ride after a bad day without taking our frustration out on our horses.  I really try to find solace and peace in the presence of my horse after a difficult day.

I used to think that my horse and I would be together in some dreamy way with violin music playing in the background.  That was my dream.  And that does happen sometimes.

At those times, she looks like this:

horse in flowers .

 

What also happens is that she will be frisky, and pushy, and test my leadership–when all I wanted was a Hallmark card moment.

So, sometimes. she greets me looking kind of like this:                        charging horse

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The best thing that can happen on those bad days is for me to get out of myself and start thinking about how I can best be with someone else (horse or human), and how I can offer something useful.

We can only get the horse to sync with us in attitude and energy by getting in sync with them first.  We must match and mirror their energy as necessary to bring them around to where we need to be.

Happy V Day.

 

 

 

The Pendulum

pendulumswingingback

I seem to be in a kind of constant pendulum with respect to my horse.  I try to be assertive without being a bully or a wimp.  Sometimes the pendulum swing is slow, and sometimes not so slow.  I am very good at being balanced with my clients’ horses . . . but it’s another story when it comes to my own horse.  Objectivity is out the window for the most part.

My horse Skigh has been very head and ear shy in varying degrees since I’ve owned her.  There have been huge improvements in the last two years, but I still ask myself “Is this an old resistance picked up from her days at the racetrack?”, or “is she just giving me the finger?”  It depends.  If I don’t come to a good feeling of balance, I’ll ask someone I trust to have a look.

The Key is Confidence

I love the look on this horse’s face, and the quiet mouth.  It looks like a partnership.

confident jumping

This is fron Denny Emerson, horseman at Tamarack Hill Farm in Vermont:

“This mare used to quit at jumps one foot high.  So we just fiddled around, tried to make her calm, and NEVER punished her when she would stop.

Jack LeGoff used to say,

‘Boldness comes from confidence.  Confidence comes from success.  So it is the job of the trainer to create lots of situations which guarantee success.’

We did that, and Rosie gradually lost her fear of jumping.

It seems so simple, Jack’s little ‘mantra’ but many riders and trainers still use force.  Which is maybe why Jack won all those gold medals, and the others do not.”